THE BENEFITS OF HOME SCHOOLING

I went back to New York City

  to see if I could find a poem

and

Of course I wanted to run into her

      but since it wasn’t going to happen

      I decided not to push it

So I went looking for a poem

in a slice of my favorite pizza

        a loop around Times Square for the people people people

                                       in my face and past and gone before

                                                I or they knew it  

        a trip to Central Park

        a drink at my old bar

But it still felt like something was missing

      because all I could think of while

searching for a poem at the pizza joint

      is that it was her neighborhood

      and what if I saw her on the street 

      because all I could think of while

searching for a poem in Times Square

      is what would happen if she were there

      being sketched by one of the Chinese artists

                on Broadway in front of the Megastore

    what could she do if she couldn’t move

                and I was just a passer-by watching

      because all I could think of while

searching for a poem in Central Park

                  and at my old bar

were all the times we’d had there

I had effectively removed myself from

Every memory of New York

And I still hadn’t found my poem

So I scratched all of that

And redirected the focus of my visit

 Now I was just checking up

                making sure the city was doing its job

                and it was and it hit me:

                The last two great loves of my life

                have rejected me because I couldn’t

                guarantee them a lifetime of love

                think about that

                                a lifetime

                and that’s well,

                that’s what they want

But let me tell you

Love doesn’t guarantee anything

and none of your boyfriends you have for the rest of your life

will teach you that

and there will be many and they will all end

and all I want is to be normal but to me

Times Square is normal

what does that say?

and I never found my poem

and I never take a window seat on the bus

and the last thing I want to do is cuddle

and when I got back to Portland I felt at home for the first time in months

I know one never really leaves school but this is ridiculous