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Joe's Birthday (observed)
The man who came out to quiet us up had to be close to 400 pounds. He
spoke in a loud and terrifying voice that was as serious as anything
you've ever heard.
"Look, you know I'm doing you a big
favor by letting you be out here. I need you to chill out and KEEP IT
FUCKING DOWN. This is the LAST FUCKING TIME I'm going to come out here.
I've fucking had it. Just be quiet."
"We can do that," Adam said.
Rebecca leaned against the table when
the guy went back inside. The crowd turned back to their individual crowds
and yammered on quietly. "There's just something about it when someone
says 'last fucking time'. It just doesn't agree with me."
By the table behind us a girl had a
Happy Birthday balloon tied around her wrist and was aimlessly talking on
her cellphone. I did an exaggerated lean and smiled over. I said Hey, it's
my birthday too, and when they failed to acknowledge me, I turned back to
my compads.
"Nobody believes a liar," Adam said.
I grunted in the thin air. On the
table that Rebecca was leaning on sat one and a half uneaten hotdogs, with
the bun of a third , on a plate with a generous portion of unused ketchup
smeared about. People muttered through blinds and the sound of clinking
dishes, and a sink, fell on us. I thought maybe Rebecca was talking a
little louder than she should. I get worried about these kinds of things.
Adam was quiet, and I was being real careful, because you know about my
voice and I thought it was a high possibility I was the cause of the large
man coming through the door in the first place.
"It is my birthday. It's my birthday,
observed."
Rebecca had an effective pause before
saying, "Observed." We all stood there. "Right." I laughed. "So you're
like up there with Lincoln now."
"Anybody can have a birthday
observed. Maybe that's why she didn't answer me. Maybe it's her birthday
observed."
Everything was too loud. Shit wasn't
going to last long.
++
It was white hot and stung in the
bathroom, and it could have been anything but especially, it was the
ceiling. People I knew were coming and going and making some kind of
judgment, most likely. I tried to stare in the mirror but there was no
mirror and no paper towels and everything ceased to hurt like hell and I
needed oxygen. It happens that fast. I could walk for a bit, in front of
the others, leave them there by the back half of the bar. This was later,
after the sandwich. In one lurch I made it to the start of the tables and
spied a possible way out. I couldn't do it. Halfway there I grabbed the
bar, said OK and went down.
There was no way I could have been
down more than ten seconds because nobody helped me up. Strange, no? I
probably looked exasperated. But I got up and went outside and got my
oxygen. I sat down and only had closed my eyes for a second when I heard
the guy say We Got A Sleeper and I knew I wasn't going to be that so I
forced my eyes open, because closed was spinning and open were great big
horizons everywhere to see.
I can't describe the feeling because
I don't remember it, but I scooted down a bit from the bar, puked the few
bites of sandwich up and felt better immediately. All rose up at once. I
wanted a cigarette and a beer and and to fuck and pizza. I felt cool sweat
all over the brim of my hat. Like the best feeling ever. It was cool,
cool, everywhere. A sweaty, wet cool. Pizza was warm. I was not the only
one. There, and only there, I could have gone on forever.
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